Megan Cyrulewski - Blog |
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Posted: 02 Dec 2015 06:47 AM PST
Madelyne turns
5-years-old today. Well, technically, at this time 5 years ago I was in
labor hell in which Madelyne took her time and decided to finally enter the
world after 27 hours of labor and a C-section.
I see posts on Facebook when my friends post about their kid's birthday and everyone says, "I couldn't imagine my life without you." I could totally imagine my life without Madelyne. I can see myself still married to my ex-husband. I can see us traveling to the Caribbean every year for a warm vacation in the middle of winter. I can see myself working at a law firm because I probably would have passed the Bar, instead of failing by 10 measly little points, because I would have had more time to study instead of taking care of a child. I can see my husband and I living in our own home enjoying our cats. I can see us doing spontaneous things like when we were married such as getting last minute tickets to a Red Wings playoff game or heading to Mackinac Island a last minute anniversary trip. I can see myself shopping at The Limited buying trendy but professional outfits in a size 8, which was my size before I got pregnant. Yep. I can totally imagine my life without Madelyne. And it would suck. Madelyne gave me the strength to leave an incredibly abusive marriage. I can't WAIT to take Madelyne to Disney World for the first time so she can meet all of her favorite princesses. If I would have passed the Bar, I'd be working at a law firm 70-80 hours a week because we all start at the bottom. Instead, I have my own practice. I'm writing this post in my yoga pants while drinking coffee. And I'm done by 5:00 almost every day so I can pick Madelyne up from school. I actually love living with my parents...and I'm 37. I see a side of my parents when Madelyne is around that makes me love them even more. Madelyne has completed our family when we didn't even know we were incomplete. I still love my cats but Madelyne has made me love all animals because of her love of animals. (Except reptiles. Yuck.) Madelyne and I do spontaneous things all the time. In the summer, I'll surprise her by keeping her home from day camp and go to the Aquatic Center. Last night I let her sleep in my bed because her birthday is today (and I didn't even let my ex-husband sleep in my bed!) I love surprising Madelyne with spontaneous trips somewhere because her excitement is contagious. I could care less about shopping for myself because it's WAY more fun shopping for Madelyne. Gymboree, The Disney Store, Target - way more fun. I shop at Old Navy for every day clothes for myself and J. Jill for business suits. Right now I'm a size 18 (or sometimes more depending on which store I'm at.) Madelyne's birth screwed up my body and the stress of dealing with Madelyne's moronic father pretty much shut down my cortisol levels and metabolism. My Dr. said it's going to take anywhere from 6 months to a year for my body to regulate and start losing weight again. I don't like my body image. I'm in therapy to deal with it. Would I trade Madelyne to be a size 8? Not for a minute. I wouldn't trade Madelyne to have all the things I imagined my life was going to be without her. I had a life before Madelyne. But Madelyne taught me to live. Happy Birthday my sweet sweet little girl. I love you to the moon and back. |
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